Dark Passion
by Gray Maka
Summary: Well it's a story about hidden angst, passion and slow healings. Add to that an emotionaly disturbed Shikamaru's POV and you get this fic.


Don't ask about my reasons for writing this. I don't know where this came from, but I wrote it after I dreamed about it. It's weird and totally OOC for Shikamaru to do this, not to mention it's obviously not canon.

Well I wrote it, so enjoy.

~SHIKAMARU POV~( well something like that anyway )

Pain was the only thing that his mind was able to register. The waves of torture kept coming and filling up his body and soul with strange feelings. It was not an unpleasant pain, no, it was a rather beautiful pain since it was making him gasp and plead for more of the sinful sensation. It was truly magnificent, how pain could make a person grovel at your feet in pure pleasure. Some months ago he would not have believed that he could enjoy pain in such ways, but for him it was rather gratifying. His mind was no longer confused because now he realized he was not a pain addict, but rather a masochist for pleasure. That in itself is a strange statement, he knew, but he held onto this particular way of defining himself. He needed that phrase especially now, after he began this traitorous descent into fleshly pleasures, that his lover offered. It was insane, utterly mad of him to be doing this, but he could not stop. His feelings for his paramour would get him executed on the spot, not to mention the disappointment he would cause to his friends. Jashin forbid they ever find out ! It would become a mess of epic proportions, since he has been sheltering a missing nin that had killed thousands of others, including the one person he considered his adoptive father. His sensei, the person that was more of a fatherly figure to him than Shikaku could dream of becoming.

Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew his passion for bodily harm came from the long years of childhood. Well, it was more of a torture than childhood and it had been caused by his so called parents, the biological ones. His mother with the always annoyed and angry attitude, that was demoted from her position as a jounin when he was born. She never forgot the day they told her that she should stay at home with the rank of chunin to raise a child, the future of the village. All her anger was mirrored in her actions and behavior towards him, she often forgot to give him food and she kept beating him up if he talked. He had to keep silent no matter what and that reflected in his behavior towards his friends. Even Chouji, his best friend had no idea of the beatings he took as a child. The worse were not only beatings he endured. Sometimes he considered his mother soft-hearted, when compared with the horrors his father was capable of. Shikaku, the eternal drunkard took pain and suffering on a whole new level. It was not just the beatings that left him with broken bones and extensive bruising, but also the rape. He would never forget the first time it had happened. He had been somewhere around the age of nine, when after being beaten with a fire poker by his mother for asking for food, he was taken into a separate room by his very inebriated father, striped of his clothes and raped. He screamed and pleaded for it to stop, but seeing that it did not cease, he started getting quieter and quieter. He knew that help would never arrive for the likes of him. He was unwanted, he knew that since the day he was able to understand words. That is what his parents told him, heck they even called him that in the concealment of their house. Outside he was Shikamaru Nara, a brilliant boy with a great future ahead of him, inside he was Unwanted, a broken person that silently took the abuse. The torture happened when his parents needed to went out frustration on someone, or because he asked for food. Most of the time he could keep his hunger controlled, but going several days without food was more often than not more than his little body could handle. That's way he was way skinnier that most of his friends.

The abuse lessened when he officially became a genin and Asuma became his sensei. It was because he was often gone on D-rank missions that saved him from the long hours of pain. Afterwards Asuma took to playing shougi with him. It was a nice way to spend time, especially knowing that it kept him away even longer from home. Asuma wanted to know what was the thing at the back of his mind that kept him from being open towards the others. He never found out because Shikamaru was careful to never reveal the extent of the torment that he went through. He knew it would raise other problems and mostly questions he never wanted to answer. He would be removed from active duty and put in a psychological institution for the mentally disturbed. He did not want to be forever locked in an asylum, so he kept his mouth shut. Asuma found Shikamaru a disturbingly hard to crack child.

Fortunately, after he became a chunin he got an apartment in a hostel for shinobi. He never visited his parents since, so, the abuse stopped. He was able to break a little of the shield comprising his heart. He opened up to other people, but never let them too close. Shikamaru knew one should not risk it such, because people are bound to hurt one another. It was a never ending cycle, but he did not want a part in it. He suffered enough and letting people get too close would hurt him.

He never thought he would get to feel so strongly for the murderer of his sensei. This foul mouthed person, this immortal that was now bringing him pleasure beyond anything a human had ever experienced. It was amazing, but slightly nefarious that he did not manage to extract the revenge he wanted. Instead he bound his soul to this creature's. If anything happened to one, it would also happen to the other. In a sense he had rendered Hidan his mortality. Death, such a strange concept it was. It could come quickly and be either painless or pure torture, or you could wait your entire life time and it still did not come. One might develop a wish to stare Death in the face and make her turn around and leave. He had an inkling of a feeling that Orochimaru was such a person. They could not be understood by the ordinary people, no, never, because they were on a higher mental plane than the rest of humanity. They have probably seen so much that they understood the meaning of life and chose to cling to it.

Shikamaru used to think of death as a means to escape the torture he was subjected to, but it was no longer true. Now he was afraid to look death in the eye, because he had Hidan. He knew that dying meant his beloved would also die, so they would theoretically remain together, but one could not be sure enough. Who knew what lay after the fateful moment of departing from the planes of humanity ? Who knew a sudden ironic and malevolent will would not intervene in the afterlife of the two lovers and separate them. He could not relay on possibilities, he had to be sure of every little detail before he made a plan or took a decision. But now planning was the least of his concerns. All he could think about in this moments was the pleasure that came from his white haired lover that was pounding him into the mattress. Hidan was brutal, but Shikamaru did not mind it, in fact he loved it. Somehow, despite the roughness of their sexual acts, they never reminded him of his father's rapes. It was ridiculous really, how a psychopathic murderer could made him forget a rapist. Oh, how strange it was to be in love !

~~END~~

Well that's about it so thanks for reading this far. I have nothing against Shikaku and Yoshino. They are extraordinary people that have raised an extraordinary shinobi. This is fiction so imagination should be unlimited. Please do not judge !


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